Are you listening

Are you listening?*

Let us talk .

Are you listening? Or are you just hearing?

Listening and hearing are not the same.  

Hearing is the first stage of listening.  Hearing occurs when your ears pick up sound waves which are then transported to your brain.

Whereas listening is the act of hearing attentively.

Listening is hearing with a purpose. It is the absorption of the meanings of words and sentences by the brain which leads to the understanding of facts and ideas.

So, why is it that often we can't listen? Either we will say "I am not getting you! " or worse we won't say anything thinking whatever we heard is enough to interpret and somehow we will be able to draw out our own conclusions. After all, who has the time to hear the same words again !!! 

Now, what wasn't heard attentively ,has a high chance of getting misinterpreted.

What happens then ? The blame game starts.

"You didn't  mention that?"
"I did but you weren't listening."
"I was listening". " You didn't mention it clearly."
"I did mention, If you didn't get it ,why didn't you ask? "
"Why should i ask? You were the one telling . You should be clear."
"I was clear. Now if you are hard of hearing what CAN I DO? " 

It surely can get nasty. Emotions get involved.

Past events, past experiences, past blames are brought into reference to emphasize on the present fault and very soon a simple misunderstanding spills on all other areas of life. If it goes further, the future conversation is also marred.

The question is , can this be prevented?
Yes it can be. It is Simple. Be Responsible.

If you are the one talking , it is your duty to express yourself clearly. Before talking , quiet the inner chatter. Take a deep breath .Focus on the other person. Maintain an eye contact.
Keep your sentences short. Average attention span for adults is only about 7 seconds. Within that time if the other party feels, that you not going to say something worthwhile, his attention will veer away.
Most important, don't beat around the bush. If you speak in circles, be assured that you will be understood in circles!
And finally, ask the other person whether he understood or should you explain again more clearly?

If you are the one listening, it is your duty to hear attentively. Before listening, quiet the inner critic. If you already have preconceived notion , chances are that your interpretation will be along that line.
Focus on the other person. Body language is also saying as much as the words are telling.

And most , importantly , ASK!
-when you don't understand . Politely ask to repeat.
- when you do understand. Rephrase the statement which you heard. "If i am getting it correct, Is it this what you are trying to say?" It is better to be sure than sorry!